16 varied jokes

Once a drunker was lying on the road side, one kind man asked: Why did you drink so much that you cannot even stand?
Drunker: It was my helplessness. I had to do it.
Ma: What was your problem?
Drunker: The cap of bottle was misplaced!

Once a thief enter in a home and finds a note on locker - "Please don't break the lock, Just push the button and it will open easily.
So he does the same But after doing that - Police arrives!
Thief Shouts: There is no value of Honesty!

Once a husband said his credit card was stolen but he made his mind to not to go for F.I.R. because that thief was spending less than his spouse used to!

How do you keep people from stealing your bagels?
Put lox on them.

2 ladies were fighting for a seat in metro on man suggested: Whoever is older should take the seat.
than..... both seat remained free. :)

The average fight between men lasts 5 minutes. The average fight between women lasts 11 years.

I am looking for a woman who has a great sense of humor about being a supermodel.

Height of positiveness: As a buy comes out from his home, a bird flies by and shits on his head. Guess how this guy reacts? "Oh, my goodness, Thanks God! ELEPHANTS DON'T FLY!"

Den: My souse went for horse-riding to lose weight. Lost 6kg!!
Jay: Hard work pays!
Den: No! She didn't but that horse lost the weight!

Man: Hey little kid! Why are you running? Do you know who am I?
Crazy Kid: Lol, When you even don't know who you are, how can I?

Husband buys a mouth fresher for wife.
Wife: Why you don't buy for you.
Husband: I remain silent anyways.

Wife is like a god's prasad (fruit), you have to eat it without making any complaint.

Wife: I heard that men get angels in heave and what women get?
Man: God only listens to those who are needy!

Lady: People say that in heaven Man and woman can not live together!
Male: Yes, that is why it is known as heave!

why does traffic stop when old people smile,
because their teeth are so yellow. 

For voting you age should be 18 but for marriage you must be 21, why?
Wise man replies: Because government knows that taking care of the wife is bigger task than taking care of nation.