Once a drunker was lying on the road side, one kind man asked: Why did you drink so much that you cannot even stand?
Drunker: It was my helplessness. I had to do it.
Ma: What was your problem?
Drunker: The cap of bottle was misplaced!
Once a thief enter in a home and finds a note on locker - "Please don't break the lock, Just push the button and it will open easily.
So he does the same But after doing that - Police arrives!
Thief Shouts: There is no value of Honesty!
Once a husband said his credit card was stolen but he made his mind to not to go for F.I.R. because that thief was spending less than his spouse used to!
How do you keep people from stealing your bagels?
Put lox on them.
2 ladies were fighting for a seat in metro on man suggested: Whoever is older should take the seat.
than..... both seat remained free. :)
The average fight between men lasts 5 minutes. The average fight between women lasts 11 years.
I am looking for a woman who has a great sense of humor about being a supermodel.
Height of positiveness: As a buy comes out from his home, a bird flies by and shits on his head. Guess how this guy reacts? "Oh, my goodness, Thanks God! ELEPHANTS DON'T FLY!"
Den: My souse went for horse-riding to lose weight. Lost 6kg!!
Jay: Hard work pays!
Den: No! She didn't but that horse lost the weight!
Man: Hey little kid! Why are you running? Do you know who am I?
Crazy Kid: Lol, When you even don't know who you are, how can I?
Husband buys a mouth fresher for wife.
Wife: Why you don't buy for you.
Husband: I remain silent anyways.
Wife is like a god's prasad (fruit), you have to eat it without making any complaint.
Wife: I heard that men get angels in heave and what women get?
Man: God only listens to those who are needy!
Lady: People say that in heaven Man and woman can not live together!
Male: Yes, that is why it is known as heave!
why does traffic stop when old people smile,
because their teeth are so yellow.
For voting you age should be 18 but for marriage you must be 21, why?
Wise man replies: Because government knows that taking care of the wife is bigger task than taking care of nation.
Wednesday, April 1, 2015
Tuesday, March 31, 2015
10 chistes para alegrar tu dia
Un cliente paga lo que acaba de consumir con un billete de 5 euros.
- Perdone, señor, pero son veinte euros.
- ¡Oh, no, son cinco euros!. ¡Mírelos bien!.
Las mujeres que buscan a un hombre detallista, sensible, atento, delicado... deben saber que ese tipo de hombre TAMBIÉN busca hombres.
- Mi novia me dejó
- ¿Por qué?
- Se ve que por no prestarle atención, o algo así me dijo, ya no me acuerdo.
Una señora va sentada en un avión al lado de un joven que está muy inquieto.
- ¿Está usted nervioso?
Sí señora.
- Claro... ¿es la primera vez?
- No, no señora ya he estado nervioso más veces
- Está usted detenido.
- ¡Léame mis derechos!
- sargento, ¿qué hacemos? ¡Pide que leamos!
- Es listo el infeliz... Dale una hostia !!!
Se encuentran dos amigos y uno le dice al otro:
- Oye me he enterado que para celebrar las bodas de plata vas a llevar a tu mujer a la India.
¡Caray como te las gastas!. Si para las bodas de plata la llevas a la India ¿qué harás para las de oro?.
- Iré a buscarla
Oye, tu madre se llama Rosa ¿verdad?
Si, ¿cómo lo sabes?
¡Porque tienes una cara de capullo!
Un camarero, de esos un poco pelota, se acerca a un comensal y le dice:
- ¿Cómo encontró el señor el filete?
- Pues realmente con mucha dificultad, escondido debajo del puré.
¿Cual es el libro religioso de los canibales?
- Mil maneras de servir a tu projimo
Dos locos iban en un autobús:
Uno le dice al otro:
-Que día mas bueno hace y que bien navega este barco.
Se tira por la ventana.
Le dice el otro:
-¿Que tal está el agua?.
Le contesta:
-Tírate por el otro lado, que aquí esta el muelle.
El marido llega a su casa al amanecer, lo espera su mujer en la puerta, está borracho y con manchas de lápiz labial.
- Supongo que hay una razón para que llegues a las seis de la mañana... le reprocha lamujer.
A lo que el marido contesta:
- Sí, el desayuno.
-Papi, ¡feliz día del abuelo!
-Ay hijita pero no tengo ningún nieto.
-¡SORPRESAAA!
Hay un montón de manzanas en un árbol y de repente una se cae. Todas las de arriba empiezan a reírse y a burlarse de la que se ha caído y ésta responde:
- No os riáis, ¡Inmaduras
-Todos los hombres sois igual de superficiales.
-Yo no.
-Ya, pero tú estás gordo
Caperucita Roja se casó con el principe azul, y tuvieron un hijo violeta.
Primer acto: Un pelo está en la cama.
Segundo acto: El pelo sigue en la cama.
Tercer acto: El pelo está todavía en la cama.
- ¿Cómo se llama la obra?
- El vello durmiente.
Primer acto: aparece una piña entrando en el autobús sin pagar.
Segundo acto: una piña entra en el cine sin pagar.
Tercer acto: una piña entra sin pagar a una discoteca.
- ¿Cómo se llama la película?
- La piña colad
Va un tacaño con muchas maletas encima. Hace parar un taxi y le pregunta al taxista:
- ¿Por cuánto me lleva al aeropuerto?
- Por 30 dólares.
- ¿Y las maletas?
- Las maletas se las llevo gratis.
- Entonces, llévame las maletas, yo me voy caminando.
Como era Navidad el juez prometió ser piadoso. Le pregunta a un acusado:
- ¿De qué se le acusa?
De haber hecho mis compras navideñas con anticipación.
- Hombre, pero eso no es un delito, ¿Con cuánta anticipación las compró usted?
- Antes que abrieran la tienda
Monday, March 30, 2015
20 jokes or more to make a kid happiest in the world
Here is your Weekly dose of laughter! Have fun reading these hilarious jokes.
Coffee and a Fly
A customer ordered a cup of coffee in a restaurant! The waiter served the coffee. The customer found a fly in the coffee. He called the waiter.
Customer: How do I drink this coffee!
Waiter: Don’t you know how to drink a coffee?
Customer: Waiter, see, there is a fly in my coffee.
Waiter: Oh yes sir, you are right! There is a fly in your coffee.
Customer: Waiter, I said, there is a fly in MMY coffee (He stressed the word MY)
Waiter: Oh don’t worry sir, the fly won’t drink much!
Customer: Waiter, it is swimming in my coffee.
Waiter: Sir, do you want me to get a lifeguard for the fly sir?
(Annoyed) Customer: the fly dead, it’s irritating!
Waiter: I guess, it doesn’t know how to swim properly.
Customer: How do I drink this coffee?
Waiter: Don’t you know how to drink? I will teach you!
He drank the coffee! And said, this is how you should drink a coffee.
Station Master and a Lady Passenger
A lady was running to catch a train to Bangalore. She reached the station and was searching for the train.
Passenger: (Asked to the station master) Sir, is this my train?
Station Master: No Madam, this is not your train, it’s railways department’s train.
Passenger: (Annoyed) That’s a good joke. Don’t act too smart. What I meant was, can I take this train to Bangalore?
Station Master: No ma’am, you cannot! This train is so BIG and you can’t take it.
Passenger: Its really funny! Now say me, will this train take me to Bangalore?
Station Master: NO ma’am. The train can’t take you. The train driver will drive it to Bangalore!
The passenger fainted!
Mother to Johnny: “how was your exam, is all questions difficult?”
Johnny: “No mom, all the questions were simple, It was the answers which gave me all the trouble”!
During a cold winter day a wife messaged to her husband that “the Windows frozen”.
Husband replied to pour some warm water on them.
After a while husband received a message again “No way, the computer is completely spoilt now”.!
One day a software engineer drowned at the sea. There are many people on the beach and they heard him crying out. But no one understood what he was trying to say. Can you guess what he was trying to say? “F1, F1”!
Customer called to Tech support: “my computer is not connecting to Internet”
Tech support: “Ok, which operating system are you using?”
Customer: “Internet explorer”!
Tech support: “No, you just right click on “my computer” and click on the properties menu”
Customer: “what are you saying, this is not your computer, it is my computer”!
Four women living in the neighborhood were invited to a party. They were discussing about the dress they would wear for the party. They finally decided to choose the color that matches with the hair color of their husband.
The first woman told, ‘I will go with red as my husband colored his hair red’
The second woman said, ‘I always prefer black as my husband’s hair color is naturally black!’
The third woman told, ‘Yeah, then I do prefer to go with yellow dress as he has blonde hair!’ (yellow)
The fourth woman was quiet. All the other insisted her about her preferred color.
She said, ‘I was thinking a lot but can’t choose any color, I can’t wear any dress because my husband is bald!’
Patient: Doctor, please can you help me out?
Doctor: Yes, you may make your way out the same way you come in.
What could be a computer’s favorite dance item?
Disk – o!
How can you make number seven to an even number?
Just take the “s” out from it!
Which is the place pencils like to go for a vacation?
Pencil – vania!
Why did the computer consult with the doctor?
Because it was suffering from a virus!
What is owned by you but mostly used by others?
Your name!
Which is the flower on face?
Tu – lips!
Which is the way chosen by crazy people?
The psycho path!
Can you name a bear with no socks?
A bare-foot!
Can a leopard hide anywhere?
No, he is always spotted!
How can you make a golden soup?
Just add 24 carrots to the soup!
What kind of a star can be risky?
A shooting star!
How do the prisoners communicate with each other?
Through cell phones!
In which bank Dracula like to save money?
In a blood bank!
What type of waves are there in small beaches?
Microwaves!
14 laugh or more this jokes make in your face
A horse walks into a bar. The bartender asks, "So, why the long face?"
A penguin walks into a bar and asks the bartender, "Has my father been in here?" The bartender says, "I don't know. What does he look like?"
A kangaroo walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender says, "That'll be $10. You know, we don't get many kangaroos coming in here." The kangaroo says, "At $10 a beer, it's not hard to understand."
A termite walks into a bar and asks, "Is the bar tender here?"
A cheeseburger walks into a bar, and the bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve food in here."
A grasshopper hops into a bar. The bartender says, "You're quite a celebrity around here. We've even got a drink named after you." The grasshopper says, "You've got a drink named Steve?"
A goldfish flops into a bar and looks at the bartender. The bartender asks, "What can I get you?" The goldfish says, "Water."
A guy walks into a bar and sits down next to a lady and a dog. The man asks, "Does your dog bite?" The lady answers, "Never!" The man reaches out to pet the dog, and the dog bites his hand. The man says, "I thought you said your dog doesn't bite!" The woman replies, "He doesn't. That's not my dog."
A skeleton walks into a bar. The bartender asks, "What'll you have?" The skeleton says, "Give me a beer, and a mop."
A polar bear, a giraffe and a penguin walk into a bar. The bartender says, "What is this, some kind of joke?"
A guy walks into a bar in Cork, in Ireland, and asks the barman: "What's the quickest way to get to Dublin?" "Are you walking or driving?" asks the barman. "Driving," says a man. "That's the quickest way," says the barman.
A tourist goes into a bar where a dog is sitting in a chair playing poker. He asks, "Is that dog there really playing poker?" And the bartender says, "Yeah, but he's not too smart. Whenever he has a good hand, he starts wagging his tail."
A man walks into a bar with a giraffe. He says, "A beer for me and one for my giraffe." And they stand around drinking for hours until the giraffe passes out on the floor. The man pays the tab and gets up to leave. The bartender says, "Hey! You're not going to leave that lyin' on the floor, are you?" The man says, "That's not a lion, it's a giraffe."
A blind man walks into a bar, grabs his dog by its hind legs and swings him around in a circle. The bartender says, "Hey, buddy, what are you doing?" And the blind man says, "Don't mind me. I'm just looking around."
A penguin walks into a bar and asks the bartender, "Has my father been in here?" The bartender says, "I don't know. What does he look like?"
A kangaroo walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender says, "That'll be $10. You know, we don't get many kangaroos coming in here." The kangaroo says, "At $10 a beer, it's not hard to understand."
A termite walks into a bar and asks, "Is the bar tender here?"
A cheeseburger walks into a bar, and the bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve food in here."
A grasshopper hops into a bar. The bartender says, "You're quite a celebrity around here. We've even got a drink named after you." The grasshopper says, "You've got a drink named Steve?"
A goldfish flops into a bar and looks at the bartender. The bartender asks, "What can I get you?" The goldfish says, "Water."
A guy walks into a bar and sits down next to a lady and a dog. The man asks, "Does your dog bite?" The lady answers, "Never!" The man reaches out to pet the dog, and the dog bites his hand. The man says, "I thought you said your dog doesn't bite!" The woman replies, "He doesn't. That's not my dog."
A skeleton walks into a bar. The bartender asks, "What'll you have?" The skeleton says, "Give me a beer, and a mop."
A polar bear, a giraffe and a penguin walk into a bar. The bartender says, "What is this, some kind of joke?"
A guy walks into a bar in Cork, in Ireland, and asks the barman: "What's the quickest way to get to Dublin?" "Are you walking or driving?" asks the barman. "Driving," says a man. "That's the quickest way," says the barman.
A tourist goes into a bar where a dog is sitting in a chair playing poker. He asks, "Is that dog there really playing poker?" And the bartender says, "Yeah, but he's not too smart. Whenever he has a good hand, he starts wagging his tail."
A man walks into a bar with a giraffe. He says, "A beer for me and one for my giraffe." And they stand around drinking for hours until the giraffe passes out on the floor. The man pays the tab and gets up to leave. The bartender says, "Hey! You're not going to leave that lyin' on the floor, are you?" The man says, "That's not a lion, it's a giraffe."
A blind man walks into a bar, grabs his dog by its hind legs and swings him around in a circle. The bartender says, "Hey, buddy, what are you doing?" And the blind man says, "Don't mind me. I'm just looking around."
1 thousand jokes or a litle bit you need into your veins
Two cannibals were eating a clown. One cannibal looked at the other cannibal and said, "Do you taste something funny?"
A duck walked into a pharmacy to buy some chapstick (lip balm).
The clerk asked, "Will that be cash or credit?"
The duck replied, "You can just put it on my bill."
Two muffins were baking in an oven. One muffin looked at the other and said, "Hey man, is it getting hot in here?" The other muffin said, "Ahhhhh! You can talk!"
Why is 6 afraid of 7?
Because 7 ate 9 (7 8 9).
A couple of hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing; his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other hunter whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator, "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator, in a calm soothing voice, says, "Just take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, and then a shot is heard. The hunter's voice comes back on the line. He says, "OK, now what?"
A woman carrying a baby gets on a bus. As she pays the fare, the bus driver looks at the baby and says, "Ugh! Lady, that's absolutely the ugliest baby I've ever seen." The woman is fuming. Still carrying the baby, she walks back toward the rear of the bus, finds an empty seat and sits down. She says to a man sitting next to her, "The bus driver was terribly rude to me when I got on. I've never been so insulted in all my life! I've got half a mind to tell him off." The man says, "And that's what you should do. Don't let him get away with insulting you. Walk right up there and let him know how you feel. Go ahead, I'll hold your monkey for you."
Patient: "Doctor, I think I'm suffering from memory loss."
Doctor: "Have you ever had it before?"
Doctor: "Have you ever had it before?"
Doctor: "What's wrong with your brother?"
Boy: "He thinks he's a chicken."
Doctor: "Really? How long has he thought this?"
Boy: "Three years."
Doctor: "Three years!"
Boy: "We would have brought him in sooner, but we needed the eggs."
Patient: "Something's wrong! I'm shrinking!"
Doctor: "Take it easy, sir. You'll just have to be a little patient."
Boy: "He thinks he's a chicken."
Doctor: "Really? How long has he thought this?"
Boy: "Three years."
Doctor: "Three years!"
Boy: "We would have brought him in sooner, but we needed the eggs."
Patient: "Something's wrong! I'm shrinking!"
Doctor: "Take it easy, sir. You'll just have to be a little patient."
Why was the math book sad?
Because it had so many problems.
What did the numeral 0 say to the numeral 8?
Nice belt!
Because it had so many problems.
What did the numeral 0 say to the numeral 8?
Nice belt!
Which word does everyone always pronounce wrong?
"Wrong." :P
Why was the baby ant so confused?
Because all his uncles were aunts.
Because all his uncles were aunts.
A guy yells across the river, "Hey, how do you get to the other side of this river?"
Another guy on the other side yells back, "You are on the other side!"
Another guy on the other side yells back, "You are on the other side!"
Can an elephant jump higher than a lamppost?
Yes. Lampposts can't jump.
Yes. Lampposts can't jump.
Where do you find a no-legged dog?
Right where you left him.
Right where you left him.
A duck walks into a drugstore and says, "Gimme some Chapstick and put it on my bill."
10 or more jokes you waiting for
What gets wetter and wetter the more it dries?
A towel.
What begins with P, ends with E, and has 1,000 letters?
Post office.
What can you catch but not throw?
A cold.
What goes around the world but stays in a corner?
A stamp.
A father and son were in a car accident. The father died, and the son was taken to the hospital. The doctor said, "I cannot operate on this boy. He is my son." How is this possible?
Answer: The doctor is his mother.
What begins with E, ends with E, and has one letter?
Envelope.
What kind of nut has a hole?
Donut.
A cowboy rode into town on Friday, stayed three days, and left on Friday. How is this possible?
His horse's name is "Friday."
What do you call a fish without an eye?
A "fsh!"
What car is spelled the same forwards and backwards?
Racecar.
If you drop a yellow hat in the Red Sea, what does it become?
Wet?
What month has 28 days?
All of them!
5 or more jokes to make you fly
One day little sunny and his friend were playing by a stream. Sunny noticed a bush and went over to it. His friend couldn't figure out why sunny was at the bush for so long so he went over to the bush to have a look. The two boys were looking at a woman bathing without any clothes in the stream.
While playing, suddenly little sunny took off running. His friend couldn't understand why he had run away so he took off after him. Finally, he caught up to him and asked why he had run away. Little Johnny said, "My mom told me if I ever saw a naked lady
I would turn to stone, and I felt something getting hard, so I ran."
Dad: What time did you go to bed last night?
Me: Sorry but that information is confidential!
Point of laughing: This is very exhilarated joke. It portrays the conversation between parents and their teenagers. They are so fun and party loving that asking for what time they sleep really creates the situation to laugh on. It need not to be disclosed!
Warning: Touching wire can cause instant death.
250$ fine too!
I think...therefore, I'm.... single!
Never ask for the ‘High Five' from a short person, you can ask for a ‘Low Five'!
Yo mama so small she poses for trophies!
The surprising thing you can hear from a midget is 'Your hair smells good'.
He asked me: How's the weather up there? and I replied: Its warm, how's it down there?
Girl goes on a party but on her way she hits a small car. the car stops and a dwarf comes out. He runs to the girl's cars and yells "I am not Happy!" so she replies: "Then which one are you?"
Once a midget gets on an elevator and somehow pushes the button to go up, just before the door closes, a hand comes through and opens the door. In steps a very large black man. The short man stares and says "You're the biggest man I have ever seen." The man nods his head, and replies "I'm 6-10, weigh 286 lbs., and I repair fax machine, I'm Turner Brown." He faints! After coming too, the dwarf asks the man to repeat himself. So he does, "I said I'm 6-10, weigh 286 lbs., I repair fax machines, my name is Turner Brown." He looked relieved and started laughing. "For a minute there, I thought you said ‘I am a s ex machine, Turn Around'."
Girl having Lessor height goes to the doctors with a sore fanny, she says can you cure it doctor, he says yes, goes down below with a pair of scissors.
After he finished, she asks: Have you cured it.
Yes, doctor says
But how? Girl asks?
I just cut two inches off the top of your wellies!!
While playing, suddenly little sunny took off running. His friend couldn't understand why he had run away so he took off after him. Finally, he caught up to him and asked why he had run away. Little Johnny said, "My mom told me if I ever saw a naked lady
I would turn to stone, and I felt something getting hard, so I ran."
Dad: What time did you go to bed last night?
Me: Sorry but that information is confidential!
Point of laughing: This is very exhilarated joke. It portrays the conversation between parents and their teenagers. They are so fun and party loving that asking for what time they sleep really creates the situation to laugh on. It need not to be disclosed!
Warning: Touching wire can cause instant death.
250$ fine too!
I think...therefore, I'm.... single!
Never ask for the ‘High Five' from a short person, you can ask for a ‘Low Five'!
Yo mama so small she poses for trophies!
The surprising thing you can hear from a midget is 'Your hair smells good'.
He asked me: How's the weather up there? and I replied: Its warm, how's it down there?
Girl goes on a party but on her way she hits a small car. the car stops and a dwarf comes out. He runs to the girl's cars and yells "I am not Happy!" so she replies: "Then which one are you?"
Once a midget gets on an elevator and somehow pushes the button to go up, just before the door closes, a hand comes through and opens the door. In steps a very large black man. The short man stares and says "You're the biggest man I have ever seen." The man nods his head, and replies "I'm 6-10, weigh 286 lbs., and I repair fax machine, I'm Turner Brown." He faints! After coming too, the dwarf asks the man to repeat himself. So he does, "I said I'm 6-10, weigh 286 lbs., I repair fax machines, my name is Turner Brown." He looked relieved and started laughing. "For a minute there, I thought you said ‘I am a s ex machine, Turn Around'."
Girl having Lessor height goes to the doctors with a sore fanny, she says can you cure it doctor, he says yes, goes down below with a pair of scissors.
After he finished, she asks: Have you cured it.
Yes, doctor says
But how? Girl asks?
I just cut two inches off the top of your wellies!!
31 jokes to weight loss
Whenever, there is fight with wife - Than it feels like I should suicide..
But.. I stop myself by thinking - There are very less tigers in the world..
There is two kinds of suicide..
One is take a rope and hand on fa..Second have marriage and hand on whole l
When you do lot of sins and stock is full of sins....than...
than.. he gets married..)
Shelly: Why it is feel like husband and kite seems alike..
Aliza: Why?
Shelly: Because, both are kept loose, flies here and there!
Tell us the name of the woman who 100% knows where her husband is?
.....thinking...
Ans is: A widow woman
Dr: Your one kidney has failed..
Man: First cried a lot than stopped and asked.... failed.....from how many numbers???
After exercise I always eat pizza, Just kidding.. I don't Exercise!!
No matters, how good work, noble cause you do... people always remember those who dies after borrowing some dollars!!
A doctor and his wife were having a big argument at breakfast. "You aren't so good in bed either!", he shouted and stormed off to work. By mid morning, he decided he'd better make amends and called home.
"What took you so long to answer?"
"I was in bed."
"What were you doing in bed this late?"
"Getting a second opinion."
All men are brave,
Horrors movies don't scare them...
But.....
10 missed calls from wife-----surely does!
Those 8 seconds really become so longer when you wait for "Skip" option button on video sharing site!
What did the cockroach say to the man who wanted to squash it?
You are just jealous of me. The reason being - I make your spouse scream louder than you!
Man: Why are beating your son in law so badly?
He replies: I sent hi message that you have become father but he forwarded this message to his friends!
Boy messages text his Girl "Honey, I can't live without you! When you come to me?"Here is the KILLING Reply -"Who is dying! I lost my saved numbers, kindly tell me your name?"
I thing..Fear Factor would have been much scarier if it had just been people in their twenties trying to figure out how to have careers!
Photographer: My secret of success is? 'Think negative'!
Make no mistakes. The junior is your biggest prospect!
Wife: If I would have been married to a Monster, I would have been felt much better than with you...
Man: But marriages are not allowed in same blood relation!!
I have already acted on your memo on saving power in my department by an immediate ban on employee empowerment!
customer: sorry but i asked cheese without holes
waiter: well then, eat the cheese and leave the holes
by- elshaday
My teacher pointed at me with her ruler and said that at the end of this ruler is a dumb. I got a detention after asking which end!
It is better to be late than to arrive ugly!
How Bedroom smells after marriages:
First 3 months - Perfumes and Flowers!
After 12 months - Baby Powder, Cream, diapers and Lotions!
After 7 Years - Balms, Move and pain killers..
Why do she make weird faces in pictures? Because it's better to look ugly on purpose.
Description: Here we poke fun at the people who pretend to be over-smart. Some people think that they are very genius that we can not smell what's happening in their mind. But they catch her. I know she is not beautiful so that is why she makes crazy faces in pictures. After reading 'ugly on purpose' statement, no-one can control their laughter.
When will Persian cats begin to join the armed forces?
When you cut their furlough.
submitted by Julia Gandrud
If Olive Oil is made from Olives and Vegetable oils from Vegetables, then what is Baby oil made from???
submitted by Naveen Khanna
Him: I kiss my Wife everyday before I leave for Office, what about you?
Me : Me too, after you leave!!
What a lovely surprise to finally discover how unlonely being alone can be.
The doctor comes out into the waiting room for the next patient. He's shocked to see a man sitting there with a frog growing out of his head. The doctor's cries, "Oh my god, how did that happen?"
The frog answered "I don't know; it began as a pimple on my but-t."
But.. I stop myself by thinking - There are very less tigers in the world..
There is two kinds of suicide..
One is take a rope and hand on fa..Second have marriage and hand on whole l
When you do lot of sins and stock is full of sins....than...
than.. he gets married..)
Shelly: Why it is feel like husband and kite seems alike..
Aliza: Why?
Shelly: Because, both are kept loose, flies here and there!
Tell us the name of the woman who 100% knows where her husband is?
.....thinking...
Ans is: A widow woman
Dr: Your one kidney has failed..
Man: First cried a lot than stopped and asked.... failed.....from how many numbers???
After exercise I always eat pizza, Just kidding.. I don't Exercise!!
No matters, how good work, noble cause you do... people always remember those who dies after borrowing some dollars!!
A doctor and his wife were having a big argument at breakfast. "You aren't so good in bed either!", he shouted and stormed off to work. By mid morning, he decided he'd better make amends and called home.
"What took you so long to answer?"
"I was in bed."
"What were you doing in bed this late?"
"Getting a second opinion."
All men are brave,
Horrors movies don't scare them...
But.....
10 missed calls from wife-----surely does!
Those 8 seconds really become so longer when you wait for "Skip" option button on video sharing site!
What did the cockroach say to the man who wanted to squash it?
You are just jealous of me. The reason being - I make your spouse scream louder than you!
Man: Why are beating your son in law so badly?
He replies: I sent hi message that you have become father but he forwarded this message to his friends!
Boy messages text his Girl "Honey, I can't live without you! When you come to me?"Here is the KILLING Reply -"Who is dying! I lost my saved numbers, kindly tell me your name?"
I thing..Fear Factor would have been much scarier if it had just been people in their twenties trying to figure out how to have careers!
Photographer: My secret of success is? 'Think negative'!
Make no mistakes. The junior is your biggest prospect!
Wife: If I would have been married to a Monster, I would have been felt much better than with you...
Man: But marriages are not allowed in same blood relation!!
I have already acted on your memo on saving power in my department by an immediate ban on employee empowerment!
customer: sorry but i asked cheese without holes
waiter: well then, eat the cheese and leave the holes
by- elshaday
My teacher pointed at me with her ruler and said that at the end of this ruler is a dumb. I got a detention after asking which end!
It is better to be late than to arrive ugly!
How Bedroom smells after marriages:
First 3 months - Perfumes and Flowers!
After 12 months - Baby Powder, Cream, diapers and Lotions!
After 7 Years - Balms, Move and pain killers..
Why do she make weird faces in pictures? Because it's better to look ugly on purpose.
Description: Here we poke fun at the people who pretend to be over-smart. Some people think that they are very genius that we can not smell what's happening in their mind. But they catch her. I know she is not beautiful so that is why she makes crazy faces in pictures. After reading 'ugly on purpose' statement, no-one can control their laughter.
When will Persian cats begin to join the armed forces?
When you cut their furlough.
submitted by Julia Gandrud
If Olive Oil is made from Olives and Vegetable oils from Vegetables, then what is Baby oil made from???
submitted by Naveen Khanna
Him: I kiss my Wife everyday before I leave for Office, what about you?
Me : Me too, after you leave!!
What a lovely surprise to finally discover how unlonely being alone can be.
The doctor comes out into the waiting room for the next patient. He's shocked to see a man sitting there with a frog growing out of his head. The doctor's cries, "Oh my god, how did that happen?"
The frog answered "I don't know; it began as a pimple on my but-t."
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