18 jokes to make you a superjokeman (or superjokewoman if you are, well you know)

1. If you’re American in the living room, what are you in the bathroom? European!
2. A liberal, a moderate, and a conservative walk into a bar. Bartender says, “Hey Mitt! What’ll ya have?”
3. What does the man in the moon do when his hair gets too long? Eclipse it!
4. A pirate walks into a bar with a ship’s steering wheel hanging from his crotch. Bartender says, what the hell is that? Pirate says, I dunno, but it’s drivin’ me nuts!
5. What’s the difference between a straight woman and a bisexual woman? 4 drinks.
6. How do you make a hormone? Don’t pay her!
7. What’s the hardest part of a vegetable to eat? The wheelchair.
8. Why did the blonde get fired from the M&M factory? Because she threw away all the ‘w’s!
9. What’s green and smells like pork? Kermit’s fingers.
10. What do men and tile have in common? If you lay them right the first time you can walk all over them the rest of your life!
11. How many flies does it take to screw in a light bulb? Two…. but I don’t know how they got in there.
12. Why did the blonde have a sore belly button? Because there are blonde men too!
13. Where does a bee keep his stinger? In his honey!
14. A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
15. How many Alzheimer’s patients does it take to change a light bulb?….. To get to the other side!
16. What do you call a masturbating cow? Beef stroganoff.
17. What do you have when you have two little green balls in the palm of your hand?? Answer: Kermit’s undivided attention!
18. What did one snowman say to the other? Nice balls.